Camel Woman

So, husband and I were talking about how we should go on a diet. Good call. We are both a bit fatter than we one were. He also mentioned that we should probably start trying to drink more water. That led me to dig a little deeper into my sheer badassery to ask myself:

HOW MANY SHOTS OF WATER CAN I DRINK IN A ROW?

I have to say, I didn't know. I'm not a very good fluid consumer; I have a hard time taking a shot of liquor in one shot and am absolute shit at chugging it (whatever "it" is... usually beer, sometimes kool-aid).

I let him guess how many shots would be too many for me to drink. After consideration (and drinking a "test shot" himself), he declared that I wouldn't be able to drink more than 11 shots of water. I accepted the challenge.

Conditions of the Challenge:

1. The shot glass was one I picked-- non-regulation size at 2 fl. oz.
2. He would pour the water into the glass
3. The shots must be taken without a break; the only downtime/ breathingtime would occur during the filling of said glass
4. To win the challenge, I'd have to drink 12 total shots (24 fl. oz.)

After three solid minutes of CHUGGING IT, I was victorious. Bitch please... I blew it away. In truth, I drank a 13th shot just to show my badassery. Hells yes.

Right after I drank the last shot, I remembered that time that lady drank so much water that she died. Freak out time. Good thing husband is level-headed during times of panic.

DID YOU KNOW THAT EATING CHEX MIX SOAKS UP EXCESS WATER AND WILL KEEP ME FROM EXPLODING LIKE THAT RADIO LADY?

I don't know how I survived for so long without his wisdom. Freakin' love that guy.

Two random thoughts, let's go.

Domino's pizza sucks. I'm not a hold-out, but I sure wish I was.

Powerball is at $260 million. Thinking about winning it. I think a private jet is for me.

Okay, Tosh.0 time. But first, don't forget to thank a Veteran for their service. Thanks to all of our service men and women for all you do to make this a better place to live.

Cheers,
jess

Show Review: tosh.0

Do you enjoy seeing a bunch of viral videos and silly shit in a row? Are you interested in less plot and more crass humor in your shows? Do videos of people falling down and getting hurt make you giggle? If so, tosh.0 is your ultimate jam. Segments include:

• Prank of the Week
• Web Redemption
• Viewer Video of the Week
• I'm Better Than You, Nana-Nana Boo-Boo, Stick Your Head in Doo-Doo
• Behind the Screen Name
• Web Rematch
  

Click here to check out clips, and watch Comedy Central for new episodes.

Numero Uno

Whoa. First post on my first blog. I have to admit, I'm a little nervous. I want to entertain, to make you, my reader, smile. I hope my posts will add a little joy to your life.

I feel its fair to start out by letting you know what to expect. I'll be posting irregularly about things that I love, and that make me happy. Here's a partial list of things you might see here:

• Drawings of dinosaurs, flowers, etc.
• Stories I've made up
• Photos of things that are adorable or disgusting
• Recipes and pics of things that I've cooked
• Craft projects
• Random thoughts and quotes
• Gratuitous cursing and use of "dude"
  
• Tirades about Things I'm Against
• Mentions of my wonderful husband
• ...and MUCH, MUCH MORE!!

Since this first post just-so-happens to be on Mother's Day, I'd like to shout-out to my slightly-nutty, but always-well-meaning Mom! Thanks for not killing me for... well, you know.

That's all for this post, y'all.

-Jess the Mess